THE ABOUTS:

    Ed "Filibuster" Goodman is a writer-improvisor (wrimprovisor) who has performed, studied, and taught in Chicago, Kansas City, Las Vegas and LA. Currently, Ed presents Ed Goodman’s Ol’ Timey Brainwash & Book Tour, a one man disasterpiece where he sings, dances, and tells stories from the book he hasn’t written.* Ed was born in North Carolina so don’t try to tell him ribs and bbq are the same thing. ‘Cuz they ain’t, Cuz.

*Lie! Ed doesn’t sing or dance.

    Alt. North Carolina joke (for Clubmembers only):
Ed's from North Carolina but he don't eat dirt no more!

    (Ahem)

    This is my blog’s “about” (bloggabout). If this were a program for the live show, it would be my “bio” and include the sentence “Thanks to Tam and Jerr for believing in me. We did it!” and have a picture of me in a leotard.

    Emphasis on tard.

    If this were a book jacket, this would be on the back flap and include the sentence “special thanks to all the students who were wholly uninterested in my lectures allowing me plenty of time to write. Also, a special special thank you to all the TA’s who helped me with the T's & the A’s. Know what I mean? Once I get tenure I’m going nuts. I'm a white man with tenure! So, office hours are be gonna be after hours and go on for hours and hours.”
    And there would be a picture of me standing in front of a lot of books with a pipe looking like a communist. Or what we all think communists look like. You know, skinny, glasses, pointy beard, a degree in English from some East Coast University. A real "man of the people." 

    Emphasis on tard.**

    As it is, this is my bloggabout and doesn’t include a sentence at all. (C'ept for that one about about bbq.)

    **And no I can't make that joke anymore so I won't.

Next up...The Brainwash >>>

WHAT THE F’N D, YO (or) Welcome to the Brainwash

     Now, at this point you might be all “What the hell is this? I done read The Abouts and a couple of entries and now I have questions. Is this a blog based on a book? Or a show? Or a mental illness? Or is there a show based on a book and the blog is from the book? Or is the blog the outline of a show that might be a book someday that will then require a tour to support that book? Or is the blog in addition to a show that may or may not have anything to do with the book you haven’t written but if you did would it be full of backstage intrigue and personal gossip like who’s sleeping with whom, who really hates each other, and how all that works seeing as it’s a solo performance starring just you? I mean, seriously, are you sleeping with your co-stars, who are also you, and do you churn’em and burn’em Hollywood style or do you really take an interest in their careers outside the show and if so are you afraid you may accuse yourself of something salacious later on and have to write a book to defend yourself or at least do a tell all show about it?” 

    To these inquiries, I have two answers. First, yes (and thanks for asking) and second you didn’t even mention the podcast I’ve never done. 

    Welcome to the Brainwash. 

(BLIZZZZZZACKOUT!)

Next up: Words! >>>>

WELCOME TO THE BRAINWASH AND BOOK TOUR...and blog...

(Lights up, center spot, on a small, empty stage. No set, no scenery, just a simple desk with an open laptop on it. The Performance Blogger sits behind the computer and addresses the audience directly. That’s right, directly.)

Hey everybody and welcome. I hope you’re comfortable. Though, let’s face it, comfort may not be what we should be concerned about these days. Am I right?

(A small “whoop” from in the back.)

There you go. Somebody gets it. So, welcome to the Ol’ Timey Brainwash and Book Tour and...Blog...and show? You know, as I sit here, staring into the darkness that I know is both the void and your unquenchable need for distracta-validation, I think about how’d I’d rather be doing this as a show - a show show. I mean...it is a show. It’s a blog - but it’s a show. And I think about how I’d much rather have you, the audience, here with me, a big roomful of living bodies, sitting right in front of me, in the dark, suspended in the moment, together, with me, us, sharing the space, breathing each other’s air-

(A cough from the back row over on the right.)

 The same planetary air we all share -

 (Another cough.)

 Breathing in each other -

(The coughs explode into a full on fit, an endless spasm of wet, hacking cough. Everybody starts thinking about blood stains on handkerchiefs and all those pictographs showing how airborne droplets move around small spaces. No one’s into the show anymore. Or the blog. The Performance Blogger addresses The Cougher in The Dark.)

Hey, Sir Coughs-A-Lot, you wanna take it outside? I’m runnin’ a blog show here, not a triage tent in the Wal Mart parking lot.

 SIR COUGHS-A-LOT: I’m fine (cough). I’ll be fine (hack). I’m good. (Hack!) Just need a little water.

 (Coughs-A-Lot sips some water and immediately hack-sprays it out over the entire right side of the audience. The Audience goes berserk.)

AM#1: That spit take’s going viral! It’s a viral spit take!

AM#2: They gots the Deltas!

AM#3: It’s Covid Connie! Look everybody, it’s Covid Connie!

COUGHS-A-LOT: I am not Covid Connie! Stop calling me that! (Hack!) I’m not-

(HAAACK! And this time a small piece of green gravy flies across the room and kersplat! hits the Performance Blogger right in the eye.)

 AM#4: Superspreader event!

 (The crowd stampedes. It’s like Woodstock II up in there but without all the ecstasy and Limp Bizkits.)

AUDIENCE – Outta my way! / My concern for others has evaporated! / Fauci was right about Wu Tang! / When y’all said live experimental live blog-theater nobody said nothin’ bout me bein’ a guinea pig for your disease stockpile! I ain’t no petri dish! (Etc.)

(In a flash, The Audience has disappeared and once again, The Performance Blogger is alone. An opportunity to heal, to come together, to laugh and maybe make a few bucks is gone. The Performance Blogger addresses the now empty MindSpace Theater. At $350 a night, may as well enjoy the air conditioning.)

Well, shoot.

(Sigh)

Maybe I’m glad it’s a blog and not a show. I mean, it is a show but...I’m not sure I’m ready for the close up and breathing experience again. Apparently you’re not. Running out of here like that. Look, somebody left their purse.

 (Sigh)

I thought it would be the usual crowd. Two friends, two acquaintances, and one lost soul who misread the description and thought it was a revival meeting or something. I try to be explicit in the explanations but…
I guess I’m just not ready for more than five people at a time. (Begins going through the purse.) Damnit, no cash? And who carries Lifesavers anymore? Anyway, welcome to it. The show, I mean. The Blog. The show blog. The show that’s a blog. The – this thing.
Whatever.
Welcome to it.

BLACKOUT!

#ViralSpittakeIsMyNewFunkMetalDanceBand #ShredForHire #NoHashtagsForTheBlogGag

Next up...Crazy Visual Word Salad >>>

Crazy Visual Word Salad

Crazy Visual Word Salad:
A Study In Crazy, Words, and Salad (implied)

   Late July, 2020, I officially go crazy and spend the weekend writing a bunch of words on a white board. It looks nuts, doesn't it? And now I've undone myself because I just told you what to think of this picture. "Nuts." But that's what you're here for, right? To have some words put into your head? Allow me to proceed!
    

    Does this picture look like how you think? BAM! A hundred things going on at once, focus so easily pulled by yet another colorful word or interesting juxtaposition? Prior to my little trip on the Crazy Train to Word Town I'd been making lists of words. New words, old words, words that kept revealing themselves to me in one way or another. Each time I finished another list I'd ask "Why do I want to keep track of words I already know?" It's as if a part of me was saying "I know that things are going wrong for me (but) you gotta listen to my words. Yeah." (Solo)

    Ultimately, the paper lists didn't do it for me (whatever "it" was) and I took to the white board. I left this monstrosity up for a couple of days and seeing words randomly stuck next to other words made me think of  yet more words. I knew I could keep adding until they kicked in the door but why? What would be the point? What was the point of the lists in the first place? Why, why and, most of all, why? Eventually, I just settled on a general "I think these words are important right now." Maybe not "bro" but definitely things like "30 Day Notice" and "Authoritarianism." So, I figured I'd start a-slogging through a blog'n use these words as jumping off / falling down points. I took the picture, cleared the board, and immediately felt a little less crazy.

    Then my toaster oven informed me it had been sending information to the government. And that's how William Barr knows I like the cake with the strudles!

    (By the way, part of the fun of words is using them incorrectly. It makes for silly mouth music. Strudles!)

    In all the how-to-make-ten-million-dollars-blogging videos they say you have to announce what your blog is about right up front. Well, I want ten million dollars too so this blog is about two things: Words (did you get that?) and authenticity.

    No, wait, scratch that. It's only about one thing: Words. But the first word is authenticity. Why? Because I announced up top that I went a little dry-erase crazy there. And I think it's fair to say I may not have come all the way back. That's truth. That's authentic. So, here's my commitment to you, you hot, steamy blog reader: I'll tell you the truth as I see it, write every day, do the best I can, and use my words with care. If I'm wrong about everything, let's get me corrected pronto. Life's a-burnin'. And there are too many people wandering around being wrong all day. I have little interest in being one.

    I think we're all suffering from a dire lack of authenticity. We live in a fairly superficial world, full of synthetic happiness and plastic distractions. Junk food, junk news, junk politics, junk ideas, junk religion, junk junk, and junk junk junk.*

    

    So, what's the blog about? Mostly, me making a mess to amuse myself as I'm going off the rails. I'm not sure if I'm going or coming but "maybe, it's not too late - to learn how to love and forget how to hay-ee-ayee-ate." 
(Second solo, mostly tapping.)

This blog post is OVER!

*And heroin, which is also called "junk." I'd make a "sweet China white" or "chasing the dragon" joke right here but the only thing I know about heroin is what I picked up listening to Guns 'N Roses.**

**And if you're not a big fan of asterisk jokes, you're in the wrong place. But then, ultimately, aren't we all in the wrong place right now?

Next up: Meanwhile, across the street... >>>